Food Coma and Love's Laziness

May 13th, day 4 in the real world. Today was the first day I didn’t drink before 5pm since college. I exercised and ate vegetables. Then, my roommate claimed a Texas Barbeque place in Atlanta was the single best in the city. They had $6 pitchers of Yuengling, Frito Pies, Brunswick Stew, and Ribs. My body will never be the same. I entered a deep sleep coma. *See Dave Chappelle for explanation http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?title=ribs-sleep-aid&videoId=219416.

                Productive: I went swimming, applied for a job, and got an interview for next week. The great thing with swimming is that you can exercise, not sweat, and see girls in bikinis. How this is a respectable pastime is bewildering. This exercise brings to mind an important aspect of my Alma Mater. There’s this concept known as Emory Goggles. A decidedly negative form of Beer Goggles which indicates all females at the university need an extra boost to the classic 1-10 scale. I strongly believe the common acceptance of this rule of thumb is the cause of much of the lack of sexual experience by our equally unimpressive male cadre.

                Ponderings: Now, I have a decent concept of how one meets the opposite sex in college. You have math class together, you both belong to X club, go to a house or frat party, or go to the one college bar everyone else goes to because it doesn’t card. But how do you in the real world? I can’t just assume they’re going to be between 18-22 years of age and at the very least I can talk to them about classes or some other uninteresting thing. That’s all gone.

                My brother-in-law, a wiser man than myself, has a few ideas on men getting women. We men are extraordinarily lazy creatures. Most of my bouts with sobriety occur when I simply run out of alcohol and never make it to the store. We attempt to date the women that are simply around us. If a girl comes into my house often enough and is not dating one of my roommates, I will probably try to sleep with her. If you put a straight man and woman in the same room long enough they will either sex it up or kill each other.  The real world illustrated this beautifully. I believe this is why there are so many office romances and scandals where your friend starts sleeping with your little sister. Laziness – the true maker of love.