I Speak Only English

                May 12, 2011 day 3 in the real world. I have a phone interview at 11am for a really nice job. I wake up for the first day in the real world before noon. Brew coffee, shower, and look over my notes for the interview. I’m ready. 11am comes and goes, my phone lays silent. Now, I’ve had some issues with phone interviews before. Reschedulings, a lack of a perfectly quiet environment and on one occasion I almost ran out of battery on my cell and lost my breath for 10 seconds from bounding across the room for my charger. This, however, was the first time a major corporation has just blown off an interview. I’ve already dealt with this crap from places that just quit responding to my emails and lacked the courtesy to tell me anything final. There’s also a certain government agency which takes at least a week to return an email. But, this was some major BS.

                My previously hopeful and ambitious day turned bitter early. To amend this I went swimming at the college pool. Afterward, I took our ritual trip to Taco Mac for the complimentary pint glasPost Optionss with the purchase of the beer of the month. This was probably my last time. We then walked across the street to Fontaine’s and their ever present $2.50 Sam Adams as well as their half price oyster and shrimp specials for Thursday afternoons. This was essentially the end of my day.

                Here’s a list of suggestions on my immediate future. One, go to DC and whore myself out to government agencies.  Two, go to California and whore myself out to internet start-ups. Three, go to Texas and help my mother gardening in the backyard. Four, join a farmer co-op in the Midwest. Five, spend all my saving for a flight to Amsterdam and see what happens. Six, go to Kansas and live with some family while trying to find a job. Six, get my bartender license and find a woman. Seven, impregnate a girl of some standing and see what happens. I believe this individual overestimates my ways with women and underestimates my conservative heritage. Lastly, join the military. My conclusion: my friends and family should never be in the same room.

                I’m still trying to come up with some sort of plan. I’ve got a couple thousand dollars, a car, a passport, and a degree in economics. Any ideas? Keep in mind I speak only English.